So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His nipple licking is glorious
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