eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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