So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
