i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
