I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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