My sheets look like a crime scene.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
