I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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