were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
