i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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