first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
