please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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