i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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