the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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