Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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