At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
