how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
