I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize