Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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