One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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