I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
