matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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