she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
