My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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