So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
