I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he thought i was a dude.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
