Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
