Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
