omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
