Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
