Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
