I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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