He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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