Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize