Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize