omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
