there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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