i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
