the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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