So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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