You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
