it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
