i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
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I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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