He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
