um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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