And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
