he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
