my phone needs a breathalizer
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
