I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
