i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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