I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
