Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
