Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
