Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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