mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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