I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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