If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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