I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
