Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
