best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
