Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
