OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
