This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
